Confession: I have never read a "parenting" book. I gave "what to expect..." a shot when I was pregnant and simply could not get past a few pages. I already knew what to expect from a scientific stand point (I took embryology, physiology, anatomy and OB/GYN in school) and I also knew that my body was designed to have babies and I could trust that. Also I had wonderful guidance throughout my pregnancy from my midwife, my yoga and childbirth instructor (shout out Robin!!!) and of course my mom, sister and close girlfriends. I'm not saying that I never had questions or that I was never concerned, nervous, etc. but a book was never where I turned. I took the same approach to parenting - people are meant to be parents and you have no experience until you ARE one so you basically just have to figure it out as you go and do what you feel is right and works best for you. In the words of my dear friend Leilani "do what works best for Campbell party of 3" (well now 4, but at the time, you get the idea).
I never identified myself as practicing "attachment parenting" mostly because I don't really like to define myself or what I do based on publicized approaches...we just do what we do...you know?! And over the past few years I have a variety of people as me if I was an AP parent (what a weird question right?) or "how will having 2 work since you do AP parenting"? Etc. And honestly I was truly baffled by the questions, like deer in a headlights response. Clearly they all had read more about attachment parenting than I ever had, I didn't really understand the term.
I recently stumbled upon "Beyond the Sling" and picked it up. I'm not sure what made me get it - maybe because 'Blossom' wrote it?! Maybe because I "know" several of the doctors that contributed/reviewed the book. Whatever it was I'm so happy I did. What a read! She is careful to say that she was not writing a "parenting book". She was sharing her experiences in parenting and also her knowledge from her Ph.D. in neuroscience (holy crap Blossom, you rock girlfriend) and how it relates to parenting and child development.
I discovered that many of the things she mentions in her book are things we already do/have done (home birth, cosleeping, baby wearing, not vaccinating). Some things I'm definitely not as hard core about (EC/potty training...missed that boat, TV - my toddler definitely loves him some Curious George and mommy loves her some shower time, so you win some you lose some).
Something I loved was to feel like I was reading something that validated the choices we have made. Not that I need validation, we go with our instincts, but in the book that is her whole point: You already know how to do this parenting thing, if it feels right it probably is and if it feels wrong, don't do it and don't let anyone tell you what to do". I feel like that has always been our philosophy when it comes to raising our kids. Cosleeping has worked for us so far. Scott moved on when he was ready and I have no expectations for Owen to do it just like Scott did. But I completely get that it doesn't work for everyone - and frankly what do I care how you sleep at night (I mean I hope you sleep well but who sleeps where doesn't matter in my book). We have never "cried anything out" because frankly I can't stomach it and that's perfectly fine, Scott sleeps great, all night and is generally a well behaved, happy and non bratty child (at least I think so) and Owen the same. Baby wearing works for us. And I know all of these things won't last forever. We chose homebirth because that is what was right for our family and we knew it was safe and natural and we feel the same about not vaccinating. My wish is that everyone understands that they have choices in parenting and that just because some book says kids should sleep through the night and self soothe by six weeks doesn't mean your kid should.
Everything she talks about in her book makes sense, not only from an intuitive stand point, but also as she it explains it scientifically. I won't go into it, read the book if you want. But suffice to say that there are scientific reasons to wear your baby close to you instead of keeping them shoved in a car seat/swing/stroller all day (not saying you can never use these things - hello of course they are great (not to mention safe in the case of a car seat, I actually had someone ask me if I used the carseat in the car...yes, I do #1 because I want my children to be safe #2 its against the law not to) but I know there are people out there who literally never hold their babies).
I feel like its such a great resource for me to help anyone who would want to know why we have made some of the choices we have made. Sometimes I feel like I am not the most eloquent when it comes to explaining these things and I feel like the book says nearly everything I would say (again not exactly but in general). One of the chapters that I learned the most from was the chapter on discipline. I have never felt like I need parenting classes more than I do right now. Disciplining is hard. And I/we have very distinct feelings about what we do and don't want to do with our kids. She gave wonderful suggestions and examples of what works for her family and gave me tons of perspective in not expecting my 2.5 year old to act and understand things like a 5 year old/15 year old or adult would.
Another enlightening part was what she had to say about play/education and early learning. I have always understood that children don't need to be reading at 18 months despite the TV infomercials claiming they can with the help of their fancy flash cards and videos (you are kidding me right?!) And Mayim is a little extreme (not in a bad way just more so than me) when it comes to exposing her children to educational toys in the early years (she does none, zero, zilch whereas I don't really have a problem reading a book about counting so long as Scott is interesting etc.). What has changed for me is some of my language - exposing them to things instead of quizzing or having them "memorize" something, not that I was quizzing him but instead of saying Scott what color is the bus, I ask him if he sees the yellow bus so that I'm reiterating instead of quizzing him, whatever I can't explain just read the book). She also talks about the lack of a need for toys. Can I get an AMEN! Every since reading about her philosophy on toys I have been channeling my "Inner Blossom" and trying to declutter our lives (which is hard being that we are still in transition home wise but I have the mindset) and I have found that I'm spending less money (my husband may argue this point but I have) and it feels great! My girlfriend, who read the book with me, and I reference "blossom" nearly every time we hang out these days!!
So if you have any inkling at all to read it let me say that I recommend it whole heartedly!!
